Ambivert

Ambivert sounds like the name of a mystical creature. It can’t just be me who thinks it sounds made up.

Ambiverts are a mixture of an introvert and an extrovert. We are mainly closed off, but we know how to be open.

This explains me well because I do like to be out in the open, but I’m still scared of people. It might be why I hide behind a computer screen and make friends and interact with people online more than I do in person.

Now, I would describe myself as being a funny gal. For instance, today in my astronomy class, our teacher was talking about Blue Moons. A Blue Moon is when two full moons occur in the same month, which is very rare.

So in class, our teacher asked how often a Blue Moon occurs. Being the smart ass I am, I decided to say “once in a blue moon”. My entire class just stares at me, giving me a “really?” look.

I like having attention on me, but only in a good way. Having my class stare at me made me feel judged and like a bother. I’m sure that wasn’t what was going through their heads, and I have always thought it was bad.

I get anxious around people when it comes to what they think of me. I know it shouldn’t matter, but it’s hard not to. I think that’s another problem some people have. They never respect the fact that it is hard to not care what people think. We live in a society where everyone judges everyone, so of course we are going to care what you think.

I hate caring about what people think, but I just can’t help it. It’s always that I’m too loud or too quiet, I’m wearing something too flashy or something too dull. I’m acting like a bitch or I’m just seeming not to care. I want people to make up their mind. What do you want from me?

That’s the one good thing about being an ambivert. I have learned how to balance. I can be open around my friends, and I can be shy and blend in when I need to be. Instead of making a fool of myself, I have learned how to reduce that number by quite a bit. I just hope I can find a better balance in my mind set.

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